THE PAST [O S]
I was wrong when i hurt you
But did you have to hurt me too
Did you think revenge will make it better?
I don't care about the past
I just want our love to last
There's a way to bring us back together
----
As a brief prologue, let me share to you my vigilant past. A past that seemed to have been in a chaotic state a long time ago. And I wanted to fix everything now.
It all started when I was in the midst of my college life. I loved a girl so dearly that I'm willing to give everything for her. Her name is Ella. Sweet, kind, and naturally beautiful. We had such a perfect relationship until we decided to engage ourselves in a serious commitment.
We got married.
--
I felt an overwhelming joy when I found out that I was about to become a father already. The tasks of a father never gave me any bad impression at all! In fact, caring for a child is such a blissful job for me. My own blood and flesh at that? How can anything be more appealing?
I'm longing to hear my son utter his first words. I wanted to be the one assisting him in his first steps. I wanted to play with him; hand him everything he wanted to have. I wanted to protect him from his playmates whenever he gets bullied. I wanted to hear him call my name for aid. I wanted to show him the world. I wanted to give him my full support and all the love he deserves to have. I'm willing, with all my heart, to give him everything I can possibly give.
That's how happy I was. I felt like I was on the top of the world for that matter.
But all those sweet thoughts vanished the time I found out that he has a mental disorder - Cerebral Palsy - a year after.
I was depressed to the core that I can scarcely look at my son. I wanted to deny him. I'm stupid, alright. But it is really such a painful shame that I have a son like him. I mean, come to think of it. My dream tasks to do with him will never be attained. How can I watch him take his steps if he is incapable of walking because his motor movement is so weak? How can he play with his playmates if he isn't capable of holding a ball firmly? How can I be proud of him if he has a low IQ?
I never did care of what others say about me. They say that I'm such a haughty individual who's heartless enough to deny his own child.
So what?
They don't understand.
If they only knew. He will be the only imperfection in my perfect life. My married life already has a blueprint devised delicately by myself. And his existence will only give a small black ink that will be the cause for my plan to completely be tainted by his nasty presence.
I can't let a mistake happen!
Yes. He's a mistake.
--
And it made me crazy. I intoxicated myself and unwillingly made love with another woman.
Ella found out...
and she was mad.
--
After that realization, I had such a foolish idea to disown my child and put him in an orphanage. I told my idea to Ella and she was furious. I can still remember the very feeling of the sharp slap I received from her swift hand. A bitter tear escaped her eyes and before I knew it, she left...
with him.
My son.
--
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People who don't know the real me says that I'm vain. Well, I can't blame them. But I prefer the word insane. Lol. It's because I've always thought of myself as different - not in the good sense of the word, mind you. I can bare spell my sanity most of the time I'm ripped, alright. But I reckon I'm not that ripped (hopefully). Lol. So much tosh and mushy statements! Well, just surf my site out to know me better. Thanks!!!counter
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